8. Holy Grail: The question of "fame" in popular music; and the idea of what it is to be a pop star, is constantly shifting. Especially in modern times, when music is more segmented and individualized than ever, the idea of a single artist who "everyone" knows is nearly gone; and while there have always been contrarians who claim they've never heard of any of the current popular music; it's easier for that to be the truth than ever before. So, what does it take to be famous in 2013? Well, judging by "The 20/20 Experience" and "Magna Carta Holy Grail," the massively popular new albums from Justin Timberlake and JayZ, what it takes to be famous in 2013 is to have been famous in 2003. Both albums try to send the message that Timberlake and JayZ are the kings of their respective genres; but both inadvertently end up sending the message that, well, pop music has only gotten less relevant in the past ten years. While that's not necessarily true; the massive success of the two albums is vaguely disheartening; like when Manchester United wins a soccer game or Adam Sandler wins the box office. It doesn't help that both Magna Carta and 20/20 are middling albums, lightweight and fluffy, with no moments of disaster but no moments of brilliance either. Holy Grail, which is a duet between Timberlake and JayZ, personifies this bland competency; it's a song that has its best moments when it's being stupid, and its worst when it tries to be smart; as in some college-dorm-room-level reappropriation of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." If Magna Carta and 20/20 were bad sometimes, if they risked anything; they might be great. Instead, they're just blandly good the whole time; which makes them boring and dull. (8/20), other Jay-Z songs in the top 100: 60. Tom Ford: (2/20), 73. f*ckwithmeyouknowigotit: (2/20)
11. Same Love: Here's a question: What's the last time there was an overtly political song about a single issue in the top 40? I'm not just talking about a generic anti-government rant like "American Idiot," or a pro-activism anthem with a few specific political references like "Waiting on the World to Change." I'm talking about a song in which every lyric references a hyper-specific political opinion. The "Yes We Can Obama Song" by will.i.am fits most of the criteria, but wasn't released for the radio and thus never reached the Billboard charts. Not Ready To Make Nice was inspired by a specific political event, but doesn't reference it specifically; and if you aren't aware of the event, it's just another country song. Maybe I'm forgetting something, but the most recent song of this type that I can think of is "Sun City," an excellent anti-appartheid protest song from 1985, in the vein of We Are The World but more politically direct than that song, and much better musically as well. That song only reached number 38 on the charts, and is 28 years old. All this is to say that Same Love by Macklemore reaching number 11 on the charts is virtually unprecedented, and, depending on how you look at it, indicative of at least one of the following things: That gay marriage is rapidly becoming mainstream and accepted; that Macklemore is successful enough to make anything a hit (and maybe that, therefore, we should be dismayed that this song hasn't hit number one like his first two singles, instead of excited that it's on the charts at all), or just that the threshold to becoming a pop song is low enough that even a seemingly nichey, overtly political hit can get popular. I'll leave it up to you to decide which you believe. Either way, Same Love is a great song. 20/20
35. Don't Drop That Thun Thun: I like to think I'm at least somewhat tuned in to pop music; to what's popular and what's going to be popular next. And then I see something like this, which is number 35 on the charts right now, by a band I've never heard of with no web presence and no other songs, and all I can find to explain its placement are a few similarly confused blog entries written about its inclusion on the charts. Did I miss something? This is a novelty rap song with no particular merit, performed in the usual pirated-copy-of-FL-Studio style. I remain perplexed. Why is this in the top 40? Any ideas, guys? (This Makes Me Feel Old/20)
62. Wop: Wait, another one? Another silly, gimmicky rap song by an unknown in the top 40? This can't just be coincidence. What's going on? Well, as I eventually figured out, twerking is going on.
Twerking? Really, America? We couldn't have just stuck with Gangnam Style and the Harlem Shake? But no, "twerking" is apparently a full-on trend now, which means we need some canonical "twerking" songs. And it seems like the consensus picks are "Don't Drop That Thun Thun," which is ridiculously amateurish but at least slightly charming in its haphazard way, "Wop," which is actually quite listenable, and which I also love because the song got to the top 40 BEFORE anyone knew its artist's birth name; and "Red Nose," which is just a dull slice of reheated-soggy-pizza rap. Wop: (14/20) Don't Drop That Thun Thun: (6/20) Red Nose: (2/20)
68. Miss Jackson: Panic! At The Disco is covering Outkast? That's... a strange choice. But no, this isn't "Ms. Jackson," the incredible 1999 hit from Everyone's Favorite Rap Duo, this is an entirely different song from Everyone's Fourth-To-Sixth Favorite Emo Band. But the Outkast song is way better (Did I really need to mark that for spoilers?), so I'm going to hyperlink it everywhere. Basically, Ms, sorry, Miss Jackson is Panic!'s answer to Fall Out Boy's surprisingly successful single "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark." And, as usually happens when you blatantly rip a song off, your song ends up sounding a lot like that song. If I had to pick these songs out of a lineup, I'd have a hard time of it, because they're so incredibly similar in their blandness. Now, excuse me while I listen to the better song with the nearly identical title forever. Forever ever? Forever ever? (20/20, OOPS, sorry, that's for the other song. 3/20 for this piece of junk)
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